Our first born is turning 4 tomorrow. This is the first time he has understood what is actually happening. He knew all day today, that he was getting close and closer to his special day after he sleeps tonight. He is excited about being 4. He thinks he is a big boy. Though still little in my eyes, he is a boy with a big imagination. A big curiosity for everything he sees or thinks about or hears. Axel can ask a hundred questions about what daddy did when he was little and rode bikes with his neighbor. He goes on and on (and on) about what space is like, and the size and intensity of the sun and San Francisco. This boy is so much like me. He wonders and thinks and has ideas of how things should be; I don't believe he ever lets his mind rest.
As he sleeps in the very room where he entered into this world, I think of how I'd love to go in his room and lay between him and his sister and listen to him breath...the only time that can happen, since waking hours are full of words and wiggles and playing and questions (did I mention he asks a lot of questions?). Some nights, I do, just for a while. To think of the sweetness that is in him whether he is awake or asleep. To try to seal the memories before they slip away in the busyness of the day.
Little does he know, he has a bike waiting in the kitchen for him when he wakes up in the morning. He doesn't look like this anymore....
Happy Birthday, Axel River, my sweetest biggest boy.
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